When She Loved Me
by Hazumi-Yuki
Summary: McCoy reflects on how he Failed Joanna and Jocelyn. Slight McCoy/Kirk in the end


When She Loved Me

Characters: McCoy and Joanna (Kirk comes in at the end)

Song: When she loved me

Leonard H. McCoy sat on his bed, looking at the thin book in his hands, it had the picture of a seven year old little girl smiling widely at whoever was holding the camera. He lifted a shaky hand and opened the photo album's hard cover.

_When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful  
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart_

The first picture was of McCoy when he was very, very young, holding a small bundle next to a lovely young woman. They were both smiling, and looking at each other with unmatched affection.

McCoy thought back to it, holding Jocelyn against him, kissing her, and telling her all the things that welled in his heart as he held their daughter. He had never been happier, standing there with the two people he loved more than anything.

_And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears  
And when she was happy, so was I, when she loved me._

This picture was rather amusing, the little girl was older now, a mop of soft hazel hair on her head. She was crying, and McCoy was stroking her cheek and smiling tenderly as he held her close. Jocelyn was the one taking the picture. This he remembered because she had been laughing softly.

It was Joanna's second birthday. He had scooped her up from the floor when she started crying. She had lost her stuffed cat. He had told her that they would find it, and she started smiling so brightly that he had laughed despite himself. The cat was on her bed the whole time.

_Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all  
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be_

The next picture was of McCoy and Joanna walking through the snow, she clung to his hand, laughing as the flakes fell onto her brown hair. McCoy regarded her with that warm smile. The picture below it was him kissing Jocelyn, who was smiling and laughing hard. He had a hand twined through her thick, curly brown hair, his nose pressed against hers....

_And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her  
And I knew that she loved me._

The next picture was of Joanna at five, standing in her new school, McCoy beside her as she looked around with wide, frightened eyes. He had a hand on her shoulder, giving her the, "don't be shy, go get 'em tiger!" lecture.

He remembered her laughing at him and announcing that he was embarrassing her. This made his rock with laughter.

He felt his heart ache as he flipped the next page.

The next picture was several years later. He was hugging Joanna tightly, she was about seven, with a long curly ponytail, the same color as her mother's. She was holding him and crying. He was all but crying himself.

In the last six months, Jocelyn had told him she no longer loved him. It all happened so suddenly. Joanna was heart broken. She would live with her mother. McCoy had willingly given everything to the woman he loved, and all he had left were his visits with Joanna.

_So the years went by, I stayed the same  
And she began to drift away, I was left alone_

The next picture was of a fourteen year-old Joanna, who was standing next to a tired looking McCoy. She did not look happy at all, and he remembered clearly, that he had tried to hug her and she had pulled away. Jocelyn had told her awful things, that he didn't want to see her at all, and that was the biggest lie he had ever heard. Jocelyn had made it nearly impossible for him to see her. She had declared that he was a selfish jerk, and to stay on that stupid starship for all she cared.

Still I waited for the day, when she'd say "I will always love you."

McCoy felt the pain stitch in his chest. He felt his whole body reject the awful memories that followed. The memories that had forced him to runaway to StarFleet. He had lost everything after Joanna had started rejecting him when she was around ten...

_ Lonely and forgotten, never thought she'd look my way.  
She smiled at me and held me just like she use to do_

The last picture was....painful and precious. It was a picture form only three months ago. Joanna was seventeen. Hugging him and smiling. A finger brushed across her father's cheek, McCoy's face was burned red, tears escaping down his face as he held her tightly. She was beautiful. A smile that warmed you to the core.

She had realized her mother's lies, and had gone through with her dream...the one she and McCoy had talked about when she had been little. Of becoming a doctor. She had come to tall him she had been excepted to StarFleet medical. She was going to do her father proud. She wanted him to know that...she loved him...that she was sorry.

_When somebody loved, everything was beautiful,  
Every hour we spent to, lives within my heart..._

McCoy closed the photo album. Sitting on his bed and staring at it.

"You miss her?" The voice made McCoy jump as he looked at Jim Kirk standing in his doorway.

"Yeah..." McCoy tried to hide the emotion in his eyes as Jim came and sat beside him on the bed.

"I bet she knows that..." Jim put a hand on McCoy's shoulder. His smile comfortingly, "She loves you."

"I love her too...." McCoy dropped his head against Jim's shoulder.

"Happy birthday Joanna...." he whispered.

_When she loved me_


End file.
